With fingernails that shine like justice...

and a voice that is dark like tinted glass, she is fast, thorough and sharp as a tack. She is touring the facility and picking up slack...

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Good friends and cold shoulders

Last night we went, with another family, to the Fall Carnival at Blaine's school . Good family fun. Lots of games and prizes and chaos. The kids had a blast, especially going through the box maze.

After saying our Hellos to a few of the parent volunteers, Maude nudged me and said "What did you do?"...commenting on the rather cold reception I was getting. So I told her the story that I hadn't yet blogged about...

Last week, I got a call from the *Fall Carnival Chairperson. She wanted me to work in the Prize Redemption Room, which after last year, I vowed never to do again. It was a nightmare...The conversation went something like this:

ME: Hello?

*FCC(Talks in a Barbie/Stepford/Kindergarten teacher voice): Hi! This is FCC, are you ready for the carnival? We have you down in the prize room, just like last year!!

ME: Oh, hi FCC, I didn't sign up to do the carnival this year...we have plans.

FCC: I saw that you didn't sign up, I just assumed you had not checked that box by mistake.

ME: No mistake, we have plans.

FCC: Will you be GOING to the carnival?

ME: Yes, with friends.

FCC: Its Blaine's LAST YEAR....don't you want to help?!

ME: I do OTHER THINGS...Besides, like I said, we have plans.

FCC: Well! You could've notified someone.

ME: I thought thats what I did....when I didn't sign up for it at the beginning of the year.

FCC: But we are counting on you.

ME: I've already made a commitment to go out with friends that we haven't seen in a while.

FCC: Fine. We'll find someone who can help us out, someone without such a busy schedule.

ME: I can help set up, if you like....or I can cut the photo cards.

FCC: Well, all we really need is someone for the prize room, so that really doesn't help us out, now does it?

ME: I'm really sorry, but like I said...

FCC: Yes. Plans. I. Heard. You.

ME: Let me know if/CLICK/DEAD AIR
ME:(looking at reciever...)YOU BITCH!

I couldn't believe it. I was stunned. Not only was she a bitch, but she hung up on me! The nerve. She thinks that because she chairs an event every year, that her shit doesn't stink. I work my ass off for that school and the PTA. I'm at school three days a week...working for Blaine's teacher, the music teacher and the Title I teacher...I also work the bookfairs, the vision/hearing screenings, I'm a runner for classes on picture day, I put up the welcome billboard (with every student's name!) every year BEFORE school even starts...And I didn't see her dumb ass stuck with a zillion fifth graders at Islandwood for four whole fucking days like I was! And about that....There was a kid(her kid)who got busted (by me) for carving "****** was here" on the finely carved doorjam in the Treehouse at Islandwood....Should I tell everyone what a rotten little shit you raised?!...I never said a word to anyone, even though I could have.

I digress....
Anyway, back at the carnival...getting hostile looks(I wonder what she told them?), I ignore them and decide to go to the gym and play some games with Blaine and her friend Edwin.

After about an eternity of ring toss, putt-putt, spinning wheels, free throws and cake walks, the kids tell us they are ready to leave..."Its hot in here. The little kids are annoying, and its too crowded(the kids after my heart)."

If you ask me, we couldn't have left soon enough. It was hot, loud and smelled like a wet diaper. I really needed a glass of wine. Good thing we went with Maude and Mike....they do not frown on heavy drinking.

We went to a mexican restuarant. We let the kids have a table to themselves. The grown-ups sat in a booth. Maude and I ordered the same thing...margarita, on the rocks, no salt, top shelf....EXTRA large. A few minutes later, they brought two ginormous drinks that looked like goldfish bowls with stems. 32 ounces! Good thing we live within walking distance!

I'm pretty sure we had fun.

The last thing I remember was laughing at Mike's impression of FCC walking around the carnival with a stick up her ass.....