Mother's little helper isn't helping anymore. Even though I've been medicated for almost six years now, I still have my ups and downs. There are times when a drug becomes ineffective and no longer works as intended. This is one of those times. The dark days seem to have arrived in a rush, hitting hard, like a strong gust of wind through an open window that slams a door in the next room. I don't know what triggered it but, whatever it is, it gnaws at me. I am tired and prone to crying jags for no apparent reason. Its just a matter of time before the highs set in and take me on another terrifying ride. I'm a logical person who understands the mechanics of my disease, yet I feel powerless. Its like knowing how a car works, but upon entry to the highway, none of the controls will work for me. The doors and steering wheel lock, the pedals become useless....at this point, I'm just along for the ride.

I believe Bette Davis said it best: "Fasten your seat belts, kids, its going to be a bumpy ride."