With fingernails that shine like justice...

and a voice that is dark like tinted glass, she is fast, thorough and sharp as a tack. She is touring the facility and picking up slack...

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

To tell the truth?

What will I tell my daughter about MY life as a teenager? I was a WILD CHILD.

I drank, did drugs and had many lovers. How do I resolve that as a parent? What am I supposed to say to her?

Drugs? Yeah, I did drugs, they were a blast. But you better not try them. That would be wrong.

Sex? It's fun! And you know what? It goes great with the drugs! But you don't need to know that, you won't be having sex. That would be wrong.

Drinking? Of, course! Always in excess....but you won't get into booze. That would be wrong.

Lying? Only to my parents, and always about booze,drugs and sex. And where I was and who I was with. But you won't lie. That would be wrong.

What am I supposed to tell her? The truth? A lie? The truth with a moraled ending? Will she learn from my mistakes? Will she fuck up her life? Do I tell only part truths, leaving out all the sordid details?

Do I tell her that, YES!, you CAN fuck up as a young person and STILL turn out okay? Look! Mommy did it! Or do I tell her that I was just lucky? And she should learn from my mistakes....

I find that hard to swallow, because although I did some outrageous things, even DANGEROUS things......I had a fucking BLAST!

I did things most people don't even dream possible. Met people, went places, did things....most of it was good. And given the oppurtunity, I'd do most of it again! All of who I am now, is a direct result of the crazy life I once led. How could I deny her that? I turned out pretty fucking cool. And happy. How could that be wrong?

None of it....the beautiful lovers, getting arrested, stowing away, jumping on the back of a stranger's Harley, living on the beach for a month, LSD dosed sugar cubes, quitting college, stealing the family car, or ANYTHING ELSE are things I would EVER change about my life. I don't live in regret.

I will tell Blaine all of this, eventually. Each thing will have its own time and place in our conversations about life, learning, and growing up. Its the knowing WHEN to share these things that gives me pause....