With fingernails that shine like justice...

and a voice that is dark like tinted glass, she is fast, thorough and sharp as a tack. She is touring the facility and picking up slack...

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

The Portland Wrap Up

Holy crap. I can't believe it took me more than two days to recover. The pain and hangover were well worth it!

I have a renewed energy and drive for derby greatness, now that I have witnessed it live. It is truly awesome and I HIGHLY recommend that everyone seek out and attend a roller derby bout in their town. You won't regret it.

The skill and finesse with which these ladies skate is pure and athletic. The bouts themselves, are more like a fast moving, full contact chess game, rather than an all-out cat fight on wheels, like some people may think. It is just as much about sacrifice as it is about speed and blocking. Taking penalties is more about gaining the upper hand than it is about unnecessary roughness.

Hopefully, I will, one day, be half as good as the ladies we saw.

After the bout, we went to the fore mentioned Outlaw for the after party. It sucked, so we went half a block up the street to Union Jack's. A very cool strip club featuring Suicide-type Girls, with lots of piercings and tattoos. I'm not a strip club regular and far from an aficionado, but this place was awesome! The highlight of the evening was a stripper named Porcelain, who came out and did her act on....wait for it....ROLLER SKATES!!! The place, which was wall to wall derby girls and devotees, went flippin' ape-shit. I had the best time.

I never thought that I was the strip club type, never really thought about it much. But I had a blast! The dancers were not raunchy like I thought they would be. It was very campy and Burlesque-like, and watching pole dancing is akin to watching Chinese acrobats. Sure they were naked, but after the initial flush of embarrassment, I ceased to notice. Dancers, coupled with the best chocolate martini I've ever had, will be making UJ's part of every Portland visit from now on.

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