Life or Scrapbooking---YOU PICK

I won't post on the Academy Awards because I don't really give a shit.

I've been a ripping fool for the past few days and seem to have made VERY LITTLE PROGRESS. Music should be enjoyable, not a chore. I think I may give up and just rip new stuff when I get it. Besides, I get great pleasure from scanning the shelves for "just the right sound", depending on my mood, the weather, whatever...

This reminds me of trying to organize family pictures into albums and scrapbooks. It seems like a really good idea at the time you decide---"This is it. This is the year I get all the photos in order!! I will be the organized !" Yeah, right. I've been making that proclamation every year since Blaine was born.

The quest for perfection and organization usually turns into a GUILT MONSTER that takes up space in your kitchen, mocking you everytime you walk by..."Look at me! You have FAILED. You are not a good mother...if you were, if you LOVED your family, you would take the time to do this!"

Well....to the pile, I say "Fuck you."

It is because I'm a GREAT mother that I do not have time for you. My family will feed their souls with memories and love that cannot be captured, cropped, or catalogued! I don't need scrapbooks or albums to prove what fun we had or how much we loved. That will ALWAYS be a part of us. I think indians had something with story telling and oral history. There is no picture more vivid than your imagination. No photo, no matter how well matted, that can depict what you felt at any one moment.

I think scrapbooks and albums try to embellish the truth, try to improve on it, somehow. Especially with digital photography...history can be so contrived. Don't like the picture? Delete. Eyes closed? Delete. And so on...I've made a concerted effort NOT to delete any pictures. I don't want to regret it later....a bad picture is better than no picture at all.

My mother....who rivals Martha... has a fantastic way to cherish and share family history. She puts loose photos in old suitcases, stacking them(biggest to littlest) against the wall in the living room. It looks really cool, and its a trip to pull one down and shuffle through it.

My parents just came home from a 3 month trip across America. They didn't take ONE picture. When they got home, they had us to dinner and told us all about their trip. I felt like we had taken the trip with them...their stories were wonderful! And we will have memories of the laughter and warmth of that evening forever....

I think from now on, I'll take my cues from her....not the pile in my kitchen.

Its time to kill the beast....get on with making history, not documenting it...