With fingernails that shine like justice...

and a voice that is dark like tinted glass, she is fast, thorough and sharp as a tack. She is touring the facility and picking up slack...

Friday, April 29, 2005

But I thought YOU were going to do it!

Hubs(who, for the rest of this post, will be called Dumbass.) woke me at 4:30am this morning. Screaming at the top of his lungs. "You left the sunroof open on the car!!! Its fucking pouring !!!" Then he switched on the light, said,*"I don't have time for this, I gotta boat to catch." Then he went into the garage, hopped on his new mistress and started to go.

I fumbled behind, pulling on clothes and flip flops, rubbing my eyes, still not sure exactly what was happening. Then, feeling the full gravity of the situation as I watched Dumbass back out of the driveway, his headlight hitting my car. SHIT. Now I understand.

Got my keys, started the car....I'm soaked now, too...pulled it into the garage. I gathered towels, and got to work. Most of it cleaned up easily. The seat backs are drenched, but will air out eventually. I set up the propane heater in the garage, pointing it inside the open door of my car. Hopefully that'll do it.

Flashback to last night....When it WASN'T raining...
DA: "You left the sunroof open"
FG: "Shit... Gimme a minute, I'm almost done here."(filling goody bags for Blaine's party on Saturday)
DA: "I'll get it, I have to close the garage anyway."
FG:"Thanks, Hon."

After arriving at the ferry dock, Dumbass calls me, to see how much damge there is. A pointless argument ensues...thus, the title of this post.

*He's not an insensitive fucktard, he was already in his rain gear, gloves and helmet, making him about as useful as a bucket of water...think picking up toothpicks, wearing oversized mittens.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

The Thought Police Are Coming

Republican Alabama lawmaker Gerald Allen (Nazi asshole) says homosexuality is an unacceptable lifestyle. Under his proposed bill, public school libraries could no longer buy new copies of plays or books by gay authors, or about gay characters.

"I don't look at it as censorship," (WTF?) he says.... "I look at it as protecting the hearts and souls and minds of our children." (Isn't that MY job, as a parent?)
Books by any gay author would have to go: Tennessee Williams, Truman Capote and Gore Vidal. Alice Walker's novel "The Color Purple" has lesbian characters.
I suppose most musical theater is completely out of the question, then.

Allen originally wanted to ban even some Shakespeare. Can you fucking believe it?!
It was only after criticism that he narrowed his bill to exempt the classics, although he CAN'T define what a classic is.

Next it will be books that empower women and people of color....

I am thoroughly disgusted.

Friday, April 22, 2005


Happy Earth Day. Happy Birthday, Peter Frampton and Jack Nicholson.

As long as she has been able to talk, Blaine has greeted me on this day by saying "You're older than DIRT, Mom....Happy Earth Day! Oh, yeah, Happy Birthday, too!!"

38. years. old. There. I said it. It only stung a little.

I'm going out to lunch with my Mom. My best friend got me a basket of
Warm Vanilla Sugar. YUM!
Blaine and Hubs are making me dinner tonight. I can't wait to see whats on the menu!

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Scent and memory

Did you know that VO5 Creamy Citrus shampoo smells just like St. Joseph's Baby Aspirin? When I was little, my mom had to hide the bottle so I wouldn't OD. I loved the stuff. Best orange candy. Ever.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Smooth Sailing? *updated!

Yesterday, while at the grocery store, I got rear ended. I had backed out of my parking spot, put the car in drive and was pulling away....when WHAM! We were hit.

I put my car in park and left it where it sat, so that any question of fault would be apparent to anyone who saw it. I got out, miffed to say the least. What met me almost broke my heart. A tiny, frail, ELDERLY man, wearing a captain's hat, was getting out of the other car. He apologized profusely, and his hands shook when he reached for his wallet, so that we could exchange information.

I assured him that everyone(Hub's was with me) was okay, and that the damage looked minor....but of course, we'd have to have professionals look at it. He agreed. We exchanged information. He apologized again. We both drove away. As we drove, Hubs joked about getting hit by a boat on dry land....."C'mon, He had the hat and everything!"

I got home a few minutes later and made all the appropriate phone calls to both insurance companies. I hope this goes smoothly. I want my car fixed, nothing more.

I just can't help but feel the tinge of trouble ahead......I hate this whole process. Hopefully, I am wrong and this will be resolved swiftly....

*(2:50pm)Son of a bitch! I said I felt a tinge ....that little shit now says that I ran into him! It looks like dueling insurance companies....cue banjo....My company is going to kick his company's ass! I love USAA.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Crop Circles?

We removed the above ground pool a few days ago. This is what was left. We are getting Blaine a trampoline for her birthday, which is the 29th. I am SO glad to be rid of the pool!! I was the only one that skimmed, cleaned or chlorinated it. It was a time sucker, and we didn't really use it all that much. Looks kinda like a UFO landed, eh?

Friday, April 15, 2005

There are many reasons why I no longer work for the IRS....TODAY is one of them!

Wednesday, April 13, 2005


The hectic Spring schedule has finally descended upon us....
Track season has started!
Heres Blaine's typical daily schedule from now until the end of the school year:

6am~ get up
7:15~ walk to school
7:30-8:30~ usually has one before school activity(Honor Choir, Safety Patrol or Conflict Resolution )
8:35-3:05~ school
3:15~(unless its a Patrol day) walk home, snack, homework for an hour, practice guitar for at least 1/2 hour
5:30-7~Track practice
7:30-8:30~ dinner, family time (usually spent on phone with friends), shower (until water runs cold, and salmon lay GASPING on beach!)
9:00~reading, bed(usually by 9:30)

She does ALL that... and guitar lessons, twice a week for an hour...and a track meet every Saturday...plus the usual stuff...feeds animals, cleans up dog poop, puts away dishes, tends her veggie garden, and does whatever I need her to....

She is allowed to keep up the rigorous schedule, as long as her grades remain above average.
I used to think it was too much, but she LOVES to do it all, except of course, doody duty.

Well...off to the track!

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Yet Another Reason To HATE WalMart

I recently sent a letter to WalMart(is the devil), asking them to compel their pharmacists to DO THEIR JOBS...This was the response I got:

Dear Valued Customer,(like I'd even step foot in one of those places!)Thank you for contacting us at Walmart.com regarding women's prescriptions for birth control. Your comments and concerns are very important to us as we strive to meet your needs.
Wal-Mart does not carry emergency contraceptives. Our pharmacists may decline to fill a prescription based on personal convictions. (WTF?)However, they must find another pharmacist, either at Wal-Mart or another pharmacy, who can assist you by filling your prescription.
Again, we thank you for your comments regarding this issue.
Customer Service at Walmart.com

Can you believe that CRAP? Exactly who the fuck do they think they are? If you are against the use of alcohol, don't work in a liquor store. If you are against obesity, don't work in a donut shop. What next? Will they deny someone Valtrex because only whores have herpes? Your opinion is just that, it is not your right to intervene where you see fit. Find a job that suits your convictions...I think Bill Maher said it well, in last week's New Rules:

"And finally, New Rule: Pharmacists have to fill prescriptions.... more and more American pharmacists are refusing to fill prescriptions for birth control because of their personal moral objections. Hey, you know what would really teach us a lesson? If you took off your pretend doctor jacket and got another job.
Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe cutting off the pill doesn't even go far enough. Yeah, it's high time activist drugstores stopped coddling sluts on every aisle. Let's not sell any more makeup either. A good woman doesn't paint herself. And no more deodorant. You should smell bad. Keep the boys from getting ideas. And no suntan lotion. I've seen what happens at the MTV Beach House, you whore. You want to avoid melanoma, buy a veil.
Why is this country becoming Utah?!....
Now, of course, I know the other side is saying, yes, but this is a moral issue. Yeah, but the problem is, not everyone gets their morals from the same book. You go by the book that says slavery is okay but sex is wrong until after marriage, at which point it becomes a blessed sacrament between a husband and the wife who is withholding it.
In conclusion, let me say to all the activist pharmacists out there, the ones who think sex is bad probably because sex with them always is. Fellas, a pharmacist is not a law-giver, not even a doctor. In the medical pecking order, you rank somewhere in between a chiropractor and a tree surgeon.
You don't answer to a law above the laws of men. You work for Sav-On. The doctors are the ones who make medical decisions because they went to medical school, whereas you were transferred from the counter where people drop off film."

Please join me in saying "ENOUGH"....
Go here. to send a message to YOUR pharmacist.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Goin' down to South Park....

Freedom Girl in South Park! How cool is that?! Thanks Mace! If you'd like to see yourself in South Park, go here .

Thursday, April 07, 2005


Its amazing what I find via the NEXT BLOG button. PostSecret is an ongoing collaborative art project. People from around the world share their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard. I feel like such a voyeur....Maybe I should send them a postcard saying so...
Go here.

Monday, April 04, 2005

Hi, Mom...Is your frigelator running?

I normally have no problem with progress, however, this time is different....

My cell phone company is revamping it's voicemail system. I've been advised that after May 1st, I will no longer have access to my voicemail archives.

I am heartbroken.

See, when we first got the service, Blaine was very small....maybe 5 or 6. She used to call me and leave me ridiculous messages, full of jokes and giggles. I have saved ALL of them.

Every month I get a reminder to check my voicemail. Every month I listen, smile, remember, then resave them. It is truly one of the things I cherish. I love to hear her little girl giggle as she asks if my "frigelator" is running.

I wish there was a way to somehow transfer or save these little treasures. I asked the company if there was a way, but they said "No."

You see, when Blaine is her prepubescent self, these messages are my solice. They remind me of the beautiful little girl she is....even when I want to wring her little neck, even when she slams doors, even when she knows so much more than I do.

What am I supposed to do? I see these wonderful little moments fleeting...Its not like losing comments to Haloscan...this is MY BABY.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Thanks for the laughs, man

Read of this on jg's site. So sad. Truly a comic genius.

R.I.P. Mitch Hedberg