With fingernails that shine like justice...

and a voice that is dark like tinted glass, she is fast, thorough and sharp as a tack. She is touring the facility and picking up slack...

Friday, September 30, 2005

Ack! You've all disappeared!

I was going to visit all of you today, however, Blogrolling seems to have taken the day off. You are all gone, and I was not smart enough to add you also to my favorites....I am so unorganized. Regular blogging to resume this weekend. Thank you all for sharing your kind words for the loss of my friend...it helped.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Thanks and Good Bye, Linda

I remember commenting on someone's blog ( I think it was Snarky) about not seeing or hearing from friends for a long time...about how wonderful it was when you were close enough to just pick up where you left off...

Thats kinda what happened.

I got a call from a friend who I hadn't spoken to since college. She was just calling to touch base...to reconnect...to say things that she didn't want left unsaid. She told me that our friendship in college meant a lot to her and that she wanted to thank me. She thought it important for me to know the impact I had on her life.

I was blown away. Speechless. I never thought that the craziness that surrounded me at that time in my life was good for anyone. I was a lunatic, after all. I thanked her...told her she was a very good friend to me when many had written me off, and that I always hated going out with her because she was "the pretty one" and guys only talked to me, to get to her. We laughed. We cried. We talked about old times and old friends. We talked about marriages and children(she had three of one and none of the other). She had had an exciting life since college. It was a great conversation.

Then she got quiet, and told me why she had actually called.

She was diagnosed with an aggressive form of stomach cancer, called leather bottle cancer, and was not given long to live.... And she wanted to see me.


I was floored. Devastated at the news, and absolutely touched by her words, I couldn't say no.

I arrived in Pittsburgh two days later. We spent almost a week together... just talking, playing cards and watching movies. Mostly talking. And sleeping. She slept a lot.

My friend slipped into a coma two days before I was supposed to leave. She died the day I was set to go home, so I stayed and helped her mother with arrangements.

It was a beautiful funeral. I got to meet her three ex-husbands, who all spoke at the service.

What I find most amazing about her is the profound gratitude she had for her life. She never seemed angry or self pitying. I think I would have drowned in the "why me?s". She was at peace with life and with dying. And I was honored to be a part of it.

I made a promise to her. I would call everyone who I thought had an impact on my life....and I would tell them. It has been a beautiful experience... One I was glad to share with my family, friends and everyone I call...and now you.

Thanks and Good Bye, Linda.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

You just call out my name

And you know where ever I am, I'll come running....

And thats what I did.
I ran to a friend....that I hadn't seen in almost 20 years.

My flight got in late last night, and I have to reconnect with Hubs and Blaine for a few days. I'll fill you in then.Thanks for all the love and concern while I was gone...

Friday, September 09, 2005

"Don't forget to call your Dad."

Today is my Dad's birthday. I remembered. I even got him a card and present. My Mom called to remind me. Just in case I forgot.

I can see I'll be paying for this for a LONG time.

Real Time With Bill Maher

September 2, 2005
On Hurricane Katrina:

"All these politicians all this week are saying, 'Well, you know what? This is not the time to point fingers; this is not the time to, you know, quibble about things.' Well, you know what? When is the time, because I'm happy to write it down in my engagement book. And make an appointment, because, to me, the time is now, when the world is watching." – Anderson Cooper

" Why aren't they dropping with parachutes, medicines and food, as I've seen them do in other countries, and I've seen them do it. And finally, today, because Bush goes there, they start handing out some food and stuff to people so that they won't scream and yell at him while he's there." – Marry Frances Berry

"That's all they know how to do, is public relations. I'm sure Bush is sitting around today, going, 'I was hugging Negroes all day long. What do you want from me?'" – Bill Maher

"[Secretary of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff] said, 'The critical thing was to get people out there before this disaster. Some people chose not to obey that order. That was a mistake on their part.' And this is what I call 'unintentional racism.' Because this guy - that's the whole thing with the Bush people. They just can't imagine, 'Why don't you just pack up your Range Rover, grab a case of Poland Spring water out of the garage, and go to your summer home? What is the problem?!' They just don't get it." – Bill Maher

Take Your Daughter To ROCK Day!

Well, the first two days of school have gone off without a hitch. Blaine's teacher is pretty cool. His name is(get this!) Mr. Schmuck(seriously). He's witty and compassionate...I think Blaine will do well in his class.

Most kids count the days until summer vacation, my kid counts the days until school starts. She is very happy to be back, and is looking forward to her many extra activities. She is in Honor Choir, Safety Patrol, and is a member of the Conflict Resolution team. Of course, her participation in all of these things is dependent upon her grades, attitude, guitar practice, and ability to take care of her animals at home. I don't forsee any problems, we just have to appear officially parental sometimes.

Tomorrow, we are driving down to Portland for Take Your Daughter To Rock Day. Its sponsored by Hot Topic. It should be a blast. Blaine is hoping to score some cool freebies...she absolutely loves that store!

There are some Katrina evacuees in the Portland area, and Misty McElroy(RRC4G founder) has opened her heart and doors to them by offering a day of rock to any girl that wants to attend. I think a few hours of shredding or pounding on the drums would do a girl some good.


Look at my big fat pussy.

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Wednesday, September 07, 2005

I am a HORRIBLE daughter.

I forgot my mothers birthday.
It was on the 5th.
I just realized it today.


I talk to my mom everyday. She never let on.

When I remembered, I called and my dad answered the phone. My mom wasn't home. I told him what I had (or hadn't) remembered...he said he knew. He said she wasn't upset.

She knew that I would be really upset. She knew I would cry. She was worried about me. Can you fucking believe it?!

I talked to her this afternoon and apologized. Profusely. I was blubbering like an idiot. I can't believe that I forgot. She forgave me. Then she said...

"My present next year better be HUGE!" *

My mom rules.

it will be.

The blind man said, "I see!"

I had no idea.

We have an HD tv, which I am told is NOT HD, but I do not believe it. Mother Nature has changed the spectrum of color to include a new, more vibrant shade of green. Pine trees have needles on them. There are actually words on the back of a ketchup bottle. Things are sharp. They do not bleed together, they stand alone. Fuzzy is not a font. My windows, which I thought clean, are filthy. Single blades of grass make up a yard.

I got my glasses today. It is like a whole new universe.

Monday, September 05, 2005

I have been unable to post anything of a political nature lately. Because I'm sick. Just sick. My heart is broken.

I only wish that there was something more I could do. I've sent the measly *amount I could scrape, I've called for heads to roll, I've vowed to vote my conscience, I've cried...what am I supposed to do now? How can I help? What do I have to offer? How will this ever be right?

If you can give, please, please do it. Now.

*Hubs said stating the amount was in bad taste, I agreed and changed it.

Friday, September 02, 2005

kicking and screaming

Yesterday, Hubs and I took Blaine to the dentist. She had a baby tooth extracted and a cavity filled. This was all supposed to happen two days ago, but things didn't go so well.

On the first try, they ended up asking us to leave because Blaine was so worked up and making so much noise that she was SCARING OTHER PATIENTS.

Dentists visits are never easy for Blaine. She had a horrible experience when she was 6. Blaine got hit(accidently) in the face with a metal baseball bat. All of the teeth on the left side of her mouth were loosened, three of them cracked.

When we took her to the ER is when the real trauma began.

The doctor that treated her had horrible bedside manner and no rapport with children. He told that what he was doing didn't hurt that bad and that she shouldn't be so flinchy, if she didn't stop, he would have to have two big nurses hold her down. I was beside myself, and there wasn't another doctor available.

When he did things, he did not explain himself to her like he would an adult, didn't tell what was happening or what she might feel. He draped her face without telling her, freaking her right the fuck out. To this day, because of that experience, she can't have things covering her face, and she dreads anybody touching her mouth.

She has been a trooper all these years going to the dentist reluctantly, and hating me for taking her the whole day after. But for some reason, the last visit was different, she couldn't get a hold of herself and screamed and cried uncontrollably...freaking out other patients in the process.

This is our fifth dentist office in as many years. We always get referred elsewhere, Blaine being pawned off as someone else's problem. I think being shipped about is part of the problem. Every time we go to a new office, those people are strangers. Strangers that want to hurt her, in her mind. Instead of giving us a referral to another office, like so many before had, they decided to try another approach. One not normally used on children.

Because Blaine's fear of things on her face, nitrous is completely out of the question. Sure, it would work, but you'd have to get her to put a mask on first. Not gonna happen.

So the dentist(love her!) not wanting to abandon Blaine, suggested Valium. And it worked. She was calm enough to sit in the chair without screaming and crying. The procedure was done, and Blaine doesn't have to go back until her check up in Feb.

Blaine is a smart kid, she knows it is an irrational fear. She really tries hard not to flinch, pull away or scream. She has simply been unable to wrestle her psyche. Until now. Blaine feels proud of herself for having endured a dentist visit without freaking out. She feels as though she has conquered a demon. I am so relieved, and so thankful to the dentist and her staff.

Sounds silly, but I think we've found a home.
FFF, a for gramma

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