Life or Scrapbooking---YOU PICK

I won't post on the Academy Awards because I don't really give a shit.

I've been a ripping fool for the past few days and seem to have made VERY LITTLE PROGRESS. Music should be enjoyable, not a chore. I think I may give up and just rip new stuff when I get it. Besides, I get great pleasure from scanning the shelves for "just the right sound", depending on my mood, the weather, whatever...

This reminds me of trying to organize family pictures into albums and scrapbooks. It seems like a really good idea at the time you decide---"This is it. This is the year I get all the photos in order!! I will be the organized !" Yeah, right. I've been making that proclamation every year since Blaine was born.

The quest for perfection and organization usually turns into a GUILT MONSTER that takes up space in your kitchen, mocking you everytime you walk by..."Look at me! You have FAILED. You are not a good mother...if you were, if you LOVED your family, you would take the time to do this!"

Well....to the pile, I say "Fuck you."

It is because I'm a GREAT mother that I do not have time for you. My family will feed their souls with memories and love that cannot be captured, cropped, or catalogued! I don't need scrapbooks or albums to prove what fun we had or how much we loved. That will ALWAYS be a part of us. I think indians had something with story telling and oral history. There is no picture more vivid than your imagination. No photo, no matter how well matted, that can depict what you felt at any one moment.

I think scrapbooks and albums try to embellish the truth, try to improve on it, somehow. Especially with digital photography...history can be so contrived. Don't like the picture? Delete. Eyes closed? Delete. And so on...I've made a concerted effort NOT to delete any pictures. I don't want to regret it later....a bad picture is better than no picture at all.

My mother....who rivals Martha... has a fantastic way to cherish and share family history. She puts loose photos in old suitcases, stacking them(biggest to littlest) against the wall in the living room. It looks really cool, and its a trip to pull one down and shuffle through it.

My parents just came home from a 3 month trip across America. They didn't take ONE picture. When they got home, they had us to dinner and told us all about their trip. I felt like we had taken the trip with them...their stories were wonderful! And we will have memories of the laughter and warmth of that evening forever....

I think from now on, I'll take my cues from her....not the pile in my kitchen.

Its time to kill the beast....get on with making history, not documenting it...

What a RIP OFF

So, I'm FINALLY getting around to ripping ALL my cds to the computer. I've been meaning to for some time, but just never got around to it until now. Sure, theres a few hundred songs there now....but give me a few days...when I'm done ..... THOUSANDS.

I started yesterday, ripping in batches of ten.

I've only done about fifteen batches so far.....this may take a LOT longer than I thought....

Where the hell did all these cds come from? I surely haven't spent this much money on music....

Could be worse....could be heroin....

National Dinner Tour

Because Bloggers seem so much smarter than most, I'm sure most of you have heard or read about the artist who put his name and number in a Crate & Barrel catalogue to see how many people would call and have him to dinner.....

Well....yesterday, as boredom set in, I utilized the NEXT BLOG feature just for giggles and found THIS .

What a pleasant surprise!

I'd love to have him to our house for dinner. I think it'd be a real kick in the pants! What to serve? HHhhmmm....

Hub's Famous BBQ King Salmon(smoked with alder)
I like it because its de-lish and I don't have to cook it! Grilled veggies...asparagas, zucchini, portabello mushrooms. Wild rice...love those twigs and branches!

What would we talk about? HHhhmm....I think I'd tell him about Rock'n'Roll Camp for Girls.....for starters...

What would YOU serve
Marc for dinner? What would YOU talk about?

Grab a book

Following Texas Biscuit and AnonymousCoworker's lead....

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5. Don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.

Here's what I got...

I had not seen either of them at all during Easter week.
"Are you up?" she asked.
"I'm up," I said, and Teddy, holding out his arms, climbed over onto me.

The Pleasure Of My Company, by Steve Martin. Its what I got at B&N today....
It could have been my daughter's book, The Amazing Days of Abby Hayes...it was in the same bag...but only had 119 pages...

I just love Steve Martin's writing. I thought Shopgirl was great! His novellas are great for me because they don't take a big investment of time and aren't too heavy on the noggin.

My Everest

A cloud covered peak
Like Goliath before me
Laundry Mountain looms

Pet Introductions...

Casper... 3 legged, white shepard, 5yrs old
Most expensive dog EVER! He was 9 mos. old when the neighbor kids took him out of the yard to play. When they put him back, they did not latch the gate properly, he got out and was hit by a truck. We found him HOURS later, under the house. An amputation and $2,500 later, he's as good as new. Its like he NEVER had more than 3 legs. He's awesome...great watch dog, and baby sitter. This is Casper last summer....its a good picture of his tripod-iness!
Sheena(is a punk rocker) is a chihuahua/rat terrier,2yrs old. Her name says it ALL.
Ivy... MY cat. I found her in the ivy bushes, 16 years ago...she's a fat cranky old bitch...Its HER house, she just lets us live here so we can feed her.

That should do it for awhile....I know some of you find pet postings lame...But my pets RULE!

BABY STEPS

I have changed VERY LITTLE of my life to lose weight. I haven't given up carbs, fat, or cream in my coffee. I haven't joined a gym. I haven't stopped the occasional fistful of potato chips....The adjustments have been MINOR......NO rigid diet, NO time consuming exercise program.... These are the steps I've taken thus far:

1. Don't eat after 8PM. (this was the hardest one)

2.Eat at the TABLE (not at the fridge, not at the sink, not in the front of the TV)

3. Go to a salon and get a great haircut and color! (change your hair, change your life!)

4. Drink lots of WATER:
Let me break down the water thing for you, in case you think 8 glasses a day is impossible: let's say, for the sake of easy math, that you have 16 functional hours in the day, say 7AM to 11PM. Eight cups is half a cup per hour, a quarter cup (which is basically a big mouthful) every half hour. IT WILL NOT KILL YOU TO DRINK A BIG MOUTHFUL EVERY HALF HOUR. So quit whining--

5. Fiber, fiber, fiber!

6. Take a daily vitamin.

7. Splenda is (contrary to the propoganda) your friend, use it.

8. Wherever you were going to park your car, do so, 25 stalls away from that spot...the walk won't kill you and its easier to find parking.

9. Green tea twice a day.

10. Eat a salad with dinner every night.


So far, this is all I've done...I figured I'd start small and move on from there...I'm going to walk in the evenings now that it is staying light later...I'll keep you posted....

Freedom Girl Is A Fatty

I tell everyone, upfront, in my profile, that I'm a fat girl. I don't think anyone every really thinks about it, at least, nobody has asked the question. So, Freedom Girl, exactly how fat are you?

Well.... I'm HUGE. I'm 5'2" and weigh 254 pounds. I've been fat for about a decade. Since I was pregnant w/Blaine...I gained 65 during my pregnancy and give or take, 10 a year since then.

Diets are hard enough, when coupled with the occasional sidetracked mood...unbearable. Bipolar meds are counter-metabolic and make losing go at a snail's pace. I've considered surgery, but I think its a punk way out, and I'm afraid of hospitals. Besides, I'm very active and healthy (no diabetes, no heart disease, no high cholesterol, no high blood pressure, no joint or bone problems, no respiratory problems)...I'm just friggin FAT.

Since the beginning of November, I've lost 25 pounds, I've got about 100 more to go. I decided to keep my goal reasonable...I know 150 is no Kate Moss, but thats the light I can actually see at the end of the tunnel. Once I get there, who knows, the journey may continue....I may actually get down to my original 108.....

I decided to chart my progress with a ticker on my blog(way down there at the bottom). Thanks,Quixotic Cat for the idea.

Happy Valentine's Day!
go HERE

3 Haikus for Wyatt

Wyatt you sicko
Cunt believe you are leaving
You are the Master


Say it isn't so
Wyatt Junker cunt be gone
Who will fill your shoes?


Junker, you word whore
your talent for vile word play
will be missed by all

*fucking blogger screwed my comments*

Blaine's Room O' Doom

Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.....

This room WILL be cleaned TODAY.....or heads will roll.....
Normally, I just close the door. Its HER space.....but last night, I went to put the dog, Sheena(Is A Punk Rocker) out....I almost broke my neck, tripping over stuff. So, today is cleaning day......I am SO on her SHIT list

*ggrrr...blogger*

GUNG HAY FAT CHOY!!

My kid, the monkey freak, was sent these for Mardi Gras from her grandparents. She wore them to school today for Fat Tuesday.

OUCH....Just click the link...you'll see...

WTF???

Gimme S'more

Last night, I had a dream. About camping....where we had taken a trip last year, Lake Cushman . Its a beautiful place up in the Olympic Nat'l Forest. The drive up there is an outing in itself. The views are breathtaking.

Anyway, I'm sleeping, dreaming this great dream about camping....

We're all around the fire, making s'mores.

The melted chocolate and marshmallow ooze from between the grahams. My lips part slightly. My tongue flicks, wetting them, as to cool them, in anticipation of the gooey morsel....

Its at this point I hear that cheesy, 70's, porno music...*wackita- wackita*...and wake up...

I lay there, thoroughly disgusted. This is what blue balls must feel like for a guy....I was totally worked up, then left hangin'.

"FUCK." I say out loud. I get up and pad my way to the kitchen to gastronomically masturbate. There has GOT to be something here....

Rifling through the cupboards, I strike gold. A brand new bag of Jet Puffed Marshmallows ! I draw in an excited breath with an audible squeak. I frantically skewer five of them onto a chopstick and turned on a burner....and wait....

Slowly the white,cornstarch dusted flesh begins to brown and slightly bubble. The aroma of toasted marshmallow wafts up, filling my nose. That alone, is ALMOST enough.

I lift it to my eager mouth and open wide. I practically gag myself, taking in the entire length of the chopstick. I close my lips around the end, kissing my fingertips, and draw the chopstick out...leaving a pillow of warm heaven in my mouth. I groan, satisfied, trying to breath and swallow the sugar orgasm at the same time....

Sometimes food IS better than sex...

You guys make me blush....

Geez! Had I known it would be such a love fest, I'd have told you earlier that I was CRAZY! Thanks for all the kind thoughts!

Mother's Little Helper

I've decided to tell all of you a little of my past...I will only post on it occasionally...

Hindsight is 20/20. I've probably been bipolar since my late teens/early twenties, but was only diagnosed when I took a nosedive soon after my daughter was born. I then cycled wildly. Alternating between utter dispair and highs so high I glowed.

I was given a myriad of remedies. Here are some of them...

THE LIST ~
In no particular order, the drugs I've taken for my manic depression...some alone, some in combinations, some worked(for a while), some didn't...

• Prozac
• Paxil
• Tegretol
• Lithium
• Klonopin
• Wellbutrin
• Zoloft
• Risperdal
• Effexor
• Depakote
• Topomax
• Eskalith
• Zyprexa
• Lexapro
• Lamictal

I'm sure I missed a few...

I've been on Lamictal (only) for about 2 years, and by all accounts, it seems to be holding it's own...knock wood.

Betcha can't eat just one!

Long, long ago, I used to read. I mean READ. I consumed books like they were potato chips. I devoured pages by the fistful. Stuffing myself, trying to satiate my undying hunger. It wasn't a love affair. It was pure LUST. I couldn't get enough.

I managed a major chain bookstore for several years and it was a requirement that I be up on everything current. I was PAID to read. My store was my very own, personal library.

That place seems so foreign now, so far away. Now, I'm lucky to read for 20 minutes a day.

Since I was diagnosed, and susequently medicated for bipolar disorder, I've found that I don't read anywhere near as much as I used to. I have a hard time with concentration and reading more than , say, a page at a time.

Thats why I like blogs.

Its good reading and most of you keep it short. For this, I thank you. You've brought reading back into my life.

I have struggled with the stunted attention span, and have even tried going off my meds because of it. Bad idea.

I cycle quickly and if not careful can cycle right off a cliff....its just a gamble whether it will be a HIGH cliff or a VERY LOW cliff. Either way, I land flat on my face.

So, with that in mind, I say "THANKS!"
You all have brought something cherished back into my life. I am forever grateful to you all.

Isn't he DEAD yet?

Yet another reason to love Jesse Helms